[chapter twenty-three]
Disclaimer: If you've heard of them, I don't own them. Everything else is mine, so no stealing, pretty please. ;-)
This story is gonna be darker, and deal with serious, sometimes disturbing
issues. Just so everyone knows. Okay? Okay.
**
~Faye's POV~
He steps into my hospital room, looking like an angel.
And I feel like I've been possessed by the devil.
I turn my head away, hoping he won't see the tears, the bruises…
The shame.
"Jimmie…" I say, my voice wavering slightly, as I dare to glance at him for a moment. "I don't…I can't do this. Please go…"
He steps further into the room, his hands shoved in his pockets, his face full of concern. "Honey, I'm not going anywhere." He says firmly, stepping close to the bed.
I shrink back into the sheets, trying to turn my aching body away from him.
"Please go…"
"No."
"Please…"
"NO." He repeats. "I'm staying right here with you."
I can't force myself to meet his gaze.
I don't think I'll ever be able to look him in the eye again.
"I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…" I begin and he cuts me off.
"Shh, baby. Shhh…" He says tenderly, sitting on the edge of the bed tentatively and taking one of my hands in his. "It's going to be okay."
No.
It's never going to be okay again.
"I'm…I'm…I'm so ashamed, Jimmie." I whisper, tears sliding down my cheeks.
"This is not your fault, Faye. None of it."
I'm so humiliated.
He's being so wonderful, and I'm just…
I'm just the biggest fuck up in his life.
He needs to stay away from me.
I'm nothing. I'm a pain in the ass.
I'm trash.
"I can't do this. I can't…I'm so humiliated." I whisper again. "Please go…"
"Do you really want me to go?" He asks gently, his fingers squeezing mine.
No. No, I don't.
But you have to.
Please.
"Yes."
"Too bad. Right now, you need people who care about you. And there's no one on earth I care about right now more than you."
I don't think I'll ever be able to stop crying again.
Because every time I look at him, I'll know. I'll know what he saw when he came through my front door.
A bruised, beaten, abused, raped, broken girl.
And who the hell wants a girl like that?
I wasn't strong enough.
I bury my face in my pillow and
cry in earnest as he continues to hold my hand.