Disclaimer: If you've heard of them, I don't own them. Everything else is mine, so no stealing, pretty please. ;-)

A/N: Written as part of BFC Challenge (Round III). Constraints were as follows...pairing: Jamie McMurray/OFC, any rating, no special factors, and the required line was: "What the heck is that? And how did it end up in THERE?"

A/N II: Naughty! Not for little ones!


"What the heck is that? And how did it end up in THERE?" She exclaimed as she dug through her shoulder bag and pulled out a copy of Penthouse Letters with an incredulous look. She stared at the subdued cover for a long moment, reading "...straight from the sexy lives and times of Penthouse readers!" before turning to look questioningly at her boyfriend.

Jamie tried to look like an innocent little boy as she glared across the room at him, but began laughing as a smirk crossed her lips.

"Is this a hint from you?" She asked playfully. "Or is Casey flirting with me again?"

"I just...I thought it was very...educational." Jamie said reasonably.

"Educational?" She repeated, flipping open the book and scanning the chapter titles out loud.

"Clusterfucks, Open Season, Three-For-All, Pursuit and Capture, Domination and Discipline." She paused, putting the book down carefully. "I'm clearly in a different league than the average 'sexy Penthouse reader'." She said, her voice full of mirth but her mind racing.

Maybe this really was a hint from Jamie.

Maybe she was a little too vanilla for his tastes.

Maybe he wanted to be one of those 'swingers', or wanted to explore some weird fantasy that involved coconut oil and and a cat o' nine tails.


Jamie stood from the couch and walked across his family room floor, dropping to sit down beside her, the detritus from her shoulderbag in a wide circle around them. "I was just playing around. I was hoping you'd pull that out by accident the next time we were in chapel or that you'd hit Chip in the head with it the next time he mentions the word 'contract' or 'future' to me. It's the least a girlfriend can do." Jamie said with a trademark grin.

"You nimrod." She laughed. After a pause, she looked at him again, her look of silliness replaced with a serious look for him. "Seriously, James...is there something...?" She left the questions unsaid, though she had about a billion ways to ask it.

"Do I suck in bed?"

"Are you some kinky pervert and are just now telling me?"

"You haven't gone and bought tassles for my nipples, have you?"

Jamie smiled and kissed her exposed shoulder. "I was just having fun with you, babe. I did read some of them though...holy cow. When do these people find time to hold down jobs and mow their lawns and stuff? It seems to be one big orgy according to that." Jamie glanced down at the book in her hands, his cheeks reddening. "Some of those people frighten me."

"And yet, strangely, you're turned on, right?" She teased, looking at him.

He shrugged and bit his lip, but said nothing.

When he bit his lip like that, she thought he was the cutest thing she'd ever seen.

She raised an eyebrow at his silence and again flipped open the book. Her eyes widened as she picked out "up to the balls in one stroke" from the sea of words on the page.


"I don't know, hon." She said honestly. "I don't remember any of this from eighth grade sex ed class." She joked as she continued to flip through pages.

Jamie laughed and nodded. "Yeah. Me neither." He looked over her shoulder at the pages. "We could...um...you know, read some. Or maybe we..."

She could practically *hear* the blush heating up Jamie's cheeks more rapidly as he tried to convey his thoughts, and it made her almost laugh out loud.

They'd been together long enough to be comfortable with each other, but not long enough to be brave enough together to try some of the antics she was skimming about in the book in her hands.



Ew. But not that one.

She quickly flipped from a page about one woman and a football team, where apparently some exercise equipment played a key role. Jamie's breath tickled her shoulder as she turned to another section. "What about that?" He asked huskily.

She read the beginnings of the story and fought a shudder. "Um. I don't think so. My idea of a striptease is slowing to a walk between the bathroom and the bed." She replied with a laugh, but that was the honest truth.

After seeing the Amazonian, blonde models who seemed to inhabit pit road and driver's lives, she wondered what the hell Jamie was doing with a short, less-than-svelte brunette.

Maybe he was just throwing off the curve for the rest of them.

Gee. How comforting.

"Ooh. How about this?" She asked, turning to watch Jamie's expression as he read the letter she pointed to. It appeared to involve a blindfold, hot oil - and a cockring.

She saw Jamie swallow thickly and near started snorting with laughter. "Maybe something a little more...a little less...Um...no."

She giggled anyway and poked him playfully in the chest. "Chicken."

"Okay, let's tie *you* to the bed and pour hot wax on your nipples!"

"How do you know that's not a secret fetish of mine?" She batted her eyes at him, making him grin.

"Hell, let's go find out!" He tugged at her hand, but made no effort to stand.

"Tell me a fantasy." She said softly, still looking through the book to avoid his gaze. "Tell me one of yours."

"I...I can't." He said quietly. "It'd be...it'd be weird."

"Why?" She pressed. "You don't trust me?"

"Of course I do...it's just...you would think it's weird and think I'm some sort of weird pervert and then you'd dump me."

"And then you'd have to try the fantasy on some beautiful model who saunters down pit road." She said wryly. "No chance I'm going to let *that* happen." She paused, and looked at him. "Tell me."

"You tell me first."

"Ew. No." She countered, her own cheeks heating in embarassment. "That would..."

"...be weird?" Jamie smiled.

"Yeah." She exhaled deeply. The were both silent as she continued to randomly flip to pages and read a few sentences before being afraid of looking like a pervert and moving on to the next.

At precisely the same moment she blurted out "I fantasize about being just held down and *fucked*", Jamie squeaked out his own confession: "I like the idea of being tied up and dominated".

They sat in stunned silence for a long moment before she buried her face in her hands. "Oh god. I can't believe I just admitted that."

Jamie clapped a hand over his mouth and she could read the same thought in his eyes.

"Huh." She said after another long silence. "Okay. Well. Now we've got those things out there. You know, just as some basic knowledge."

"You do?" Jamie whispered after a long pause. "Really?"

She lowered her head and shrugged. "You know, not as an everyday activity, but..."

"I just...but you're so...you're so good." Jamie said, making her dissolve into giggles.

"And you are all tough and manly and yet..." She waved a hand in his direction. "You know."


"Well, what have we learned from this experience?" She asked, her tone light, her eyes teasing.

"We've learned that we both like to be dominated and that we need to invest in his-and-her handcuffs."

"I've heard handcuffs chafe. Maybe we should get scarves?" Jamie countered.

"Or ties."

"Or specific "for that special bondage experience" binds." Jamie answered, trying to hide a smile. "Do they sell that at, like, Target?"

"Sure. Right next to the blindfolds and assless leather pants." Her eyes lit up. "Ooh. We're getting a pair of those, too."

"And crotchless panties?" He asked, nodding. "I think that's a must."

"Geez, this is turning into a shopping list. Maybe I better write this down..." She rooted through the pile around her for a pen and a piece of paper.

"Put flavored lotion on there too." Jamie teased, pulling her back against his chest and kissing the top of her head affectionately. "I love you." He whispered huskily in her ear.

"I love you too." She whispered in return, closing her eyes and relishing the feel of his arms around her, his lips near her ear.

"Grab that book again, babe. Let's troll for more kinky ideas for the shopping trip..."