[chapter twenty-one]
Disclaimer: If you've heard of them, I don't own them. Everything else is mine, so no stealing, pretty please. ;-)
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~Jimmie's POV~
Maybe Jeff was right.
I just have to tell her. Tell her how much I miss her, need her, love her.
And that I'm the scum of the earth for lying to her.
And that I'm nothing without her in my life.
Nothing.
"Because I had to."
Oh, spellbinding there, Johnson.
She is just looking at me, stopping in her tracks in the middle of the sidewalk.
Clearly, she is expecting me to elaborate.
Shit.
"I wanted you … okay, there is no good way to do this. I had to … I had to let you go. You needed to come back here. To study, to finish your degree. You owed it to yourself, and you know it's what your mom would have wanted. I couldn't stand in the way of that. I couldn't. Don't you see, Shea?"
Evidently no, since she's just staring at me.
"I lo … "
Say it. You weenie.
"I love you, Shea. I love you. But I … I had to let you go. For your sake. If I'd let you stay, I never would have forgiven myself."
"You lied to me." She says softly and I nod sadly.
"I know."
"You fucking lied to me. Do you have … do you have any idea what I've been through? What you did to me? Like everything I was going through wasn't bad enough, you decided to tell me you didn't want to be with me so I would blow town and put several thousand miles between us and the only home I've known? How could you do that? How could you do that to me??" She begs as tears stream down her cheeks and I pull her into my arms without a second thought. She struggles against me, but I hold her tight, not letting her go.
I'm never letting her go. I don't care if Columbia campus cops arrests us both. I'm not leaving this spot until she understands. Until she knows.
Until she says she loves me too.
"Because I love you. Because I love you so much and I want what's best for you. And I don't think staying in a dead end job in a dead end town is what's best for you. And I want you to be best. I want you to put you first. Your whole life, you've put everyone else first. Your mom, your family, your job, even me. Don't you think it's time you put you first?" I mutter into her hair. "Don't you?"
She's completely silent, but for the wracking sobs of her body.
"Shea, I want what's best for you."
"Don't you realize that you're what's best for me?" She says softly after a few moments.
Apparently not, as I'm stunned by her words.
"You're best for me. I'm my best with you. And I've just wanted to be with you the last 37 and a half days. You asshole." She says without a hint of malice.
She's been counting days too.
"Tell me … tell me you … " I don't want to beg, but …
"I love you, Jimmie. I love you."
Thankyousweetmercifulgod.