[chapter four]
Disclaimer: If you've heard of them, I don't own them. Everything else is mine, so no stealing, pretty please. ;-) Warning: Contains "colourful" language.
**
Kendall sat in stunned silence as she tried to process what Jimmie was saying. She watched a tear slide down his cheek as she stared across the kitchen table at the man she had loved for so many years.
Even though she had overheard the conversation from the coach weeks ago, she didn't think it would ever come to this.
"I can't believe you're doing this." Kendall said, her voice deathly quiet. "I've never been a 'problem' in your life before."
Jimmie shook his head slowly. "I know. But I've never been in the media this much before!" He said, his voice breaking slightly. "I've never had this many eyes on me!"
"What is Jeff's problem with me?!" Kendall demanded. "He seemed like he liked me."
"He does like you. He likes you a lot - he's just trying to get me off on the right foot in this series. The way I'm perceived, what the media thinks, all the interviews I give - those can all make or break sponsorship deals and dictate television exposure. He's just telling me what he thinks is best."
"And breaking up with me is for the best?" Kendall asked, her voice harsh. "Not loving me anymore is the best thing?"
"We aren't breaking up, and my god, of course I love you, Kenny. We're just…it's just a break. Until things die down." Jimmie tried in vain to explain. "Maybe just not being together at the tracks for a couple of weeks, and Jeff will back off, everyone will back off."
Kendall snorted. "Oh. Until it dies down." She said sarcastically. "Well, seeing as how you are talented, charismatic, friendly and already kicking ass on the circuit, I don't think 'things will die down' for about 20 years or so." She said nastily.
Jimmie looked down at his hands, which were shaking slightly as he tried to explain why he was doing what he was doing.
Breaking her heart.
"I love you. I don't want this any more than you do." Jimmie said softly.
"You want me to change? Is that it?" Kendall asked, trying to even out her voice, trying a different tactic. "I'll change, Jimmie. For you, I will do anything."
Jimmie shook his head slowly. "I don't want you to change. That's just it. I love you the way you are. I just…I have to…"
"You just have to have a girlfriend like the rest. All these willowy, blond models and 'professional girlfriends' who are pretty to look at and totally devoid of personality or a voice. God, you just want some vapid floozy on your arm, don't you? Some simpering, idiotic woman to make you look more manly on camera." Kendall said, unable to control her temper.
"That's not fair! This is hard for me too!" Jimmie shouted, making Kendall lean back in her chair in shock at his angry words.
She snorted again. "You know, I mentioned Dante to one of the girls the other day, and she thought that she designed a cosmetics line. I had to explain that he was an Italian author who wrote The Inferno and The Divine Comedy."
Jimmie rolled his eyes, his voice becoming harsh and defensive. "You know what? Not everyone is like you. Not everyone went to Stanford and got degrees in literature and political science. Not everyone is brilliant like you. Not everyone can stand to be different from the rest. To some people, this is who they are; this is their life. Stop being such a fucking snob about this and about them. We can't all be fucking brilliant and perfect like you, and showing how racing is beneath us. Just stop with the snobbery."
Kendall blinked rapidly, trying not let the tears that were threatening to slide down her face have a chance. "Well, I'm sorry I'm smart. I'm sorry I'm not like the rest. I'm sorry I know more in life than racing and getting on camera. But mostly, I'm sorry I wasted so much time on a man who will toss me aside at the first sign that things are rough. I'm sorry I wasted time on a man who doesn't love me the way I apparently love him. Mostly, I'm sorry you aren't man enough to take the criticism, or man enough to be different." Kendall stood up from the table, her chair crashing to the ground behind her. "Fine. Whatever you want. I'll get my stuff tomorrow."
Whirling on her heel, Kendall stormed towards the door, trying to block out the sound of Jimmie pleading behind her not to go.
Fuck him.
Fuck him for not loving her enough.
Fuck him for doing this to her.
Fuck him for breaking her heart.
The sound of the door slamming
behind her finally released the floodgates, and by the time she reached the
car, she could barely see for all the tears streaming from her eyes.