[chapter seven]
Disclaimer: If you've heard of them, I don't own them. Everything else is mine, so no stealing, pretty please. ;-) Warning: Contains "colourful" language.
**
"What the fuck are you doing?" Jimmie hissed under his breath,
even as he stopped to sign autographs.
"Being who you want." Kendall answered easily. "Isn't this what you want?"
"No!" Jimmie snapped.
Kendall blinked as the flashes of cameras met her and Jimmie when they rounded the corner. She smiled and simpered behind Jimmie as he gave small interviews and posed for photo opportunities while they made their way down the grid. Whenever anyone asked who she was, she stuck to her "I'm Katherine the Model" line, making Jimmie madder and madder. She knew he was upset from the flush in his cheeks, the set in his shoulders and the way he tugged a little too hard on her hand to make her keep walking.
The media thought she was a new girlfriend and couldn't stop asking questions about her.
In a way, it made Kendall a little sick to her stomach.
Not only didn't the recognize her, but because she looked the part, they assumed she was the perfect accessory for Jimmie.
Accessory. Not girlfriend, not supporter, not friend.
Eye candy.
She kept up the fake, bubbly, plastic personality all the way down pit road even as Jimmie hissed angrily at her with every step. She knew this was going too far, but she had to prove a point.
She had to know she was right.
And, she admitted, Jimmie deserved it for dumping her on her ass for such a superficial reason, no matter how much she loved the fool man.
Because he had dumped her, right? It wasn't her that did it. Not even Jeff who did it. Jimmie did.
Right.
Chad climbed down from the cart as they approached, his eyes widening as he saw her, recognizing her instantly.
She'd always known Jeff was a little dense when it came to women, Kendall thought. He hadn't recognized her at all.
"What the hell?" Chad said by way of greeting. Kendall smiled at him, her façade cracking a bit. "Seriously. Whafa?"
"Hi Chad."
"Hi Kenny."
"How are you?"
"What are you doing?" Chad questioned as Jimmie conferred with Ryan and Ron by the car. "This isn't you."
Kendall sighed, wishing she could cry on his shoulder, pour out every emotion she was feeling. "I know." She whispered. "But it's who they want me to be. Who he needs me to be."
"Who?" Chad asked, his voice sympathetic.
"All of them, Chad. All of them. The media, Jeff, Hendrick, even Jimmie." She said, her voice defeated. "He's pissed at me, I know that, and I'm really sorry I made him mad right before quals, but…" She shrugged in confusion. "I know he misses me, but I either have to be like this, or not at all. I'm not sure I can stand the not at all option."
"This is insane." Chad said simply.
"You're telling me." Kendall said softly, her real voice returning. "You're fucking telling me."
"Jimmie might not forgive you for doing this to him." Chad countered.
"Maybe." Kendall agreed. "But it's better than just walking away. It has to be. I'd rather give up myself than give him up."
"Would you?" Chad asked gently. "Is it really worth it to sacrifice yourself?"
"Maybe." She whispered.
"Maybe not. I just don't know anymore."